Спампаваць 304.26 Kb.
Characters: Sword, Cutlass, Blackheart and Dee-Dee
(Curtains open. Enters Blackheart.)
Blackheart: Hello again boys and girls. It is I Blackheart the very good at being bad pirate! Yes that’s right, I’m very good at being. What? You don’t believe me after I’ve just stolen the map from Robinson and kidnapped his girlfriend. Now that’s what I call bad, really, really bad!
(Blackheart takes the lead with Sword and Cutlass taking backing.)
(Song ends with a flash of light, then a blackout and when the lights come up again the three of them are joined on stage by Dee-Dee. There are bushes and a sign saying ‘Welcome To View Point Hill’. Sword and Cutlass drag Dee-Dee behind them and she struggles and moans.)
Blackheart: Will you shut up! (Turning to look at Dee-Dee.) Right, I’ve had just about enough of you, you snivelling little girl! Now be quiet or my crew will roll you down this hill to your death below! Ah ha ha.
Dee-Dee: If you do that then you won’t know how to get to the treasure.
Sword: Be quiet fool, the master didn’t ask you to speak!
Blackheart: Why thank you Sword, I like how you called me ‘master’, it has a sort of ring to it. Master, master...master! (To Dee-Dee.) And you, like I said before, shut up!
Cutlass: (To Sword.) Here we go again, you can’t help yourself. You take the credit for my ideas, my actions! You really will regret doing that to me very soon because I am going to get you back big time. (In Sword’s face.) BIG...TIME!
Blackheart: Quieten down boys. Now Dee-Dee where are we on the map?
Dee-Dee: Further along from where we were ten minutes ago, the last time you asked.
Blackheart: Ha ha ha, very funny. If that’s right then we must be on View Point Hill.
Dee-Dee: (She points to the sign.) That’s what the sign says!
Blackheart: (He looks at the sign.) So it does. This means that we are getting very close to x-marks the spot and then I’ll get my hands on the treasure, after so many years! Right come along, we must make it by sunset.
(Blackheart walks on. Sword and Cutlass stare at the surroundings, pointing out things to each other.)
Sword: The view up here on View Point Hill is really nice isn’t it?
Cutlass: Yeah, it’s really relaxing up here. Seeing the waves crash against the shore and the trees swaying in the wind...
Sword: And the birds swoop through the air, weightless in flight.
Dee-Dee: My goodness it’s Bill Oddie and David Attenborough!
Cutlass: Oh be quiet will you, stop spoiling the moment.
Sword: Yeah stop spoiling the moment. It’s lovely up here. Aaaah... (Stares out at the audience again.)
Dee-Dee: (To the audience in a stage whisper.) Since they aren’t listening, I’ll tell you a secret. Little do these fools know that the map is not actually a real map. It’s one I drew on a piece of paper and I even signed it to make it look genuine. They are so stupid, the treasure’s not buried in Dead man’s Cave, it’s buried in...em...I better not say, one of you might be double crossing us and could be telling Blackheart every word I say.
Blackheart: Hurry along you two, three. We must hurry we must get there before sunset. Now get walking!
(This next section sees Blackheart, Sword, Cutlass and Dee-Dee walk towards Dead Man’s Cave, this can be done by a simple exit, then entrance or they could walk on the spot. A suitable song can be played in the background to add a bit of comedy.)
Blackheart: Right I think we are here.
Dee-Dee: Can I get a drink yet?
Sword: No, because you keep talking. Now hurry up and get in.
(Blackheart exits followed by Sword, Cutlass and Dee-Dee. The curtains open to reveal Dead Man’s Cave (This can be the same set used for inside The Treasure Room but needs to look different, e.g. use different lighting or fill it with smoke etc) which is dimly lit. Enters Blackheart through the entrance, he is looking at the map intensely. He is then followed by the others.)
Cutlass: It’s really dark in here. And cold!
Sword: Oh stop being such a big baby. Wah! Wah! Mummy, oh help me mummy!
Cutlass: Shut up! I’m not the one that still wets the bed.
Sword: Well at least I have an excuse...I’ve got a weak bladder.
Cutlass: And my names Daffy Duck!
Blackheart: And my names Blackheart the pirate and if you two don’t be quiet now I’m going to feed you too the sharks. Now start looking for this treasure. It might be hidden in the wall or on the roof. So get searching and you too Dee-Dee. Where could it be?...
(They all search the wall, roof and floor for the treasure. After a short time Sword goes into the audience and starts to check that the treasure is not under the audiences seats or that they are not sitting on them. Note: Before the performance starts put some fake treasure under one of the seats and tell the actor playing Sword where it is. Sword then finds the fake treasure hidden before the performance started.)
Sword: I’ve found it! Blackheart I’ve found the treasure it’s under this (Man or woman’s?) seat. (Sword pulls out the treasure from under the person’s seat.) Wow! It’s a...(He says what it really is.) Sorry Master.
Blackheart: How could you be so stupid? You should have realised that it wasn’t the treasure! I really don’t think the treasure is in here. Dee-Dee are we in the right place?
Dee-Dee: Well of course Master, it says so on the map.
Blackheart: You’re right, keep looking men, we have treasure to find!
(They carry on searching.)
(Curtains close. Blackout.)
Scene 5: Outside/Inside The Treasure Room
Characters: Robinson, Mrs Crusoe, Calypso, Sword, Cutlass, Blackheart, Dee-Dee, Alice and Zara
(Enters Robinson, he is carrying the map and is in a great hurry.)
Zara (From offstage.): Oi Robinson, wait up! I’m struggling and so is Alice and the oldies at the tail end.
Mrs Crusoe (From offstage.): Watch it Missy!
Robinson: Look just hurry up! Come get a move on, we’re nearly there.
(Enters Zara followed by Alice who is lagging behind.)
Zara: Right let’s have a break, that slope was painful...
Robinson: It was downhill!
Alice: Yeah but it was really steep down to this valley floor. Your mum and Calypso are still at the ledge, fifty feet up!
Calypso(From offstage.) Be careful Maggie, you’re awful close to the edge.
Mrs Crusoe (From offstage.): I’ll be okay. Uh oh! Coming down!
(The lights go off for a few seconds, once they come back on Mrs Crusoe is lying on the ground as she has just fallen from the ledge above.)
Robinson: Oh mum are you alright?
Mrs Crusoe: (She gets up quickly and brushes herself off.) I’m okay! No I’m not! (She falls backwards and Alice and Zara catch her.) Thank you, that was some drop. My legs are like jelly. (She tries to stand on her own.) Here we go again! (Alice and Zara catch her again.)
(Calypso runs in.)
Calypso: Are you okay honey?
Mrs Crusoe: Yeah I’m fine, just fallen fifty feet through the air and can’t feel my legs!
Calypso: That’s good!
Mrs Crusoe: Oh wait a minute. I’ve got a snake in my boot! (Mrs Crusoe tosses the snake away, it is passed around everyone, back to her. She then throws it away.) I got it!
Robinson: Look there’s no time for this because if my calculations are right...
Zara: ...And they are normally wrong.
Robinson: ...then entrance to the cave where the treasure is buried should be right about... (He stands on a certain spot.)...HERE!
Alice: Aaw, you just stepped on dog poo, yuck!
(Mrs Crusoe gets out a tissue and wipes Robinson’s foot clean, and then throws the tissue into the audience.)
Calypso: So anyway, Robinson where do you think the entrance to where the treasure is buried is?
Robinson: Right where the skid mark is.
Calypso: You’re right it was, because when you stood on that poo, which wasn’t actually poo...
Mrs Crusoe: (To the person who caught the tissue.) Right I’ll have that tissue back it’s clean and can be used again! (She goes into the audience and gets the tissue.)
Calypso: ...you where actually standing on a button which opens the entrance to the Treasure Room, right over there. (He points to the door.)
Zara: Who would of guest it? That piece of doggie waste was a secret button to open that secret cave door. Fancy!
(Enters Blackheart, Sword, Cutlass and Dee-Dee.)
Blackheart: It’s not that fancy, you should see the booby traps the Aztec’s built. Pure genius they were. (Turning evil.) But that doesn’t matter, what matters is that you have found the entrance to cave for me.
Mrs Crusoe: Oh no we haven’t!
Sword: Oh yes you have!
Robinson: Stop doing that, it’s not a pantomime!
Alice: (To the audience.) He’s delusional!
Blackheart: Right, stand back and let me through. I wish to get what is rightfully mine.
Robinson: The only thing that is rightfully yours is this!
(Robinson punches Blackheart in the stomach. There are ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ from Mrs Crusoe and Alice who stand back and watch. Robinson and Blackheart fight, punching each other then Sword joins in and starts to fight Zara, who gives him as good as he gets back. Then Sword hits Calypso, so Zara starts to fight Cutlass, and Calypso pins Sword to the ground and slaps him silly. The fight continues while Robinson speaks.)
Robinson: Mum, untie Dee-Dee. Alice, get into that cave and get looking for that treasure!
(Alice goes into the cave. Mrs Crusoe unties Dee-Dee and the pair hide inside the Treasure room. Calypso continues to fight Sword and ends up wining. Blackheart gets away from Robinson’s grip and tries to get into the cave, but as he does so Robinson pulls him back, punches him twice and runs inside the cave himself. This Zara and Calypso left to Sword and Cutlass, as Blackheart can’t move. The two pirates get their enemies and ties their hands behind their backs. Then Calypso and Zara count down from five together and on zero kick them in between the legs! They run into the cave a close the door behind them.)
Blackheart: This is all your fault you pathetic excuses for pirates!
(The lights fade, Blackheart, Sword and Cutlass exit. The curtains open to reveal the inside of the Treasure Room. Lights up. Alice, Mrs Crusoe and Dee-Dee are already inside, enters Robinson.)
Dee-Dee: Oh Robinson, I’m so glad to see you! (They hug.)
Robinson: Did he hurt you? Did they hurt you? Because if they did I will feed them to the sharks!
Alice: Don’t say that, it’s what Blackheart always says. (Imitating Blackheart.) “I’ll feed you to the sharks. Ha ha ha!” What a creep.
Robinson: But you’re alright?
Dee-Dee: Yes, I’m fine. Now forget about that, haven’t we got treasure to find?
(Enters Calypso and Zara.)
Mrs Crusoe: Oh thank goodness you’re okay.
Calypso: I’m fine but those pirates aren’t. Didn’t know I had such a good right hook!
Calypso: Come girl, spit it out.
Zara: (She points to a skeleton in the corner.) Skeleton! Aaaah!
Mrs Crusoe: Them bones them bones got up and walked around, them bones, them bones got up and walked around now hear the word of the Lord!
Alice: Don’t say that it might come back to life and scare us!
(As she says this the skeleton gets up and walks towards them. They scream. Calypso walks forward and grabs the skeleton and pushes it to the ground. The song ‘Another One Bites The Dust’ plays and Calypso acts all macho to it.)
Mrs Crusoe: Oh my hero!
Dee-Dee: Come on everyone, let’s find this treasure. Where do you think the treasure is buried in here?
Robinson: I don’t know, it could be anywhere. But the x seems to indicate that it could be buried round about...(He moves to a certain place.)...here.
Zara: Do you expect us to dig through a solid, wooden stage to find the treasure?
Robinson: No, because the treasure isn’t buried there it’s buried over there. Remember? Like in rehearsal’s...and now I’ve ruined the surprise.
Mrs Crusoe: Why, Robinson I don’t think the treasure is buried there.
Robinson: What made you think that mother?
Mrs Crusoe: You may think it’s because of what you just said but actually it’s because I’ve just found this very shiny treasure chest!
Robinson: You’ve found it! (Robinson lifts up the treasure chest.) Yes! Now the treasure is...
(Enters Blackheart, Sword and Cutlass.)
Blackheart: (He takes the chest form Robinson’s hands.) MINE! Ha ha ha.
Robinson: Hey, give that back!
Blackheart: No, never! (Robinson tries to get to Blackheart but Sword and Cutlass stop him.) It’s mine. All mine. Ah ha ha ha ha! Oh do you know Robinson that you are such a pathetic hero. I don’t even know why you’ve got your own pantomime, book, film and TV show! It should be called...Blackheart, a Swashbuckling Pirate Pantomime...not for the faint hearted! You’re such an weakling. Oh I love dissing people.
Robinson: I love dissing people too. Do you know that you’re mamma’s so fat that when she goes to the theatre she sits beside everyone!
Mrs Crusoe: Oh yeah! Well you’re mamma’s so fat that...
Alice: A little bit carried away there, just a little.
Blackheart: I see that being an idiot runs in the family! Now anyway, now the treasure is all mine...
Cutlass: But we get some of it too. You said we would get paid with the treasure as our pay.
Blackheart: Oh did I? Oh well, you’re not getting any of the treasure, you’re a stupid little pirate who can’t fight to save himself. Sword however will be getting paid as he has been excellent throughout this mission, he will make a brilliant Pirate Captain someday.
Cutlass: (To Sword.) So you’ve been lying to me all this time. I should of guest it. Well Sword I always said I would get you back and now’s my chance. (He turns to Robinson and the others.) I’m sorry for being so mean to you all this time, but now I’m with you.
(Cutlass pushes Sword out of Robinson’s way, Robinson runs forward and grabs the chest, pushing Blackheart out of the way.)
Robinson: Everybody out, we’re leaving these pirates in here to rot. (Alice, Zara, Calypso and Mrs Crusoe exit the cave.) You too Cutlass, like you said you’re on our side now. (The pair high five and Cutlass exits. Robinson stands at the exit.) So long Blackfart and...em...well...Sword! Enjoy your life in this dark, smelly cave. So long suckers!
(Robinson exits. The door closes behind him. The light fades due to the door closing.)
Sword: I always thought he was too nice to be a pirate...and he is!
Blackheart: Oh shut up will you! I’m trying to think of a way out.
Sword: There is not a way out, we’re stuck in her for all our days. And I’m stuck in here with you. It’s going to be a long life!
Blackheart: For the both of us!
(Lights fade. The curtains close. Lights up. Enters Robinson and the others.)
Zara: Oh Cutlass, you’re such a nice person really, so why did you want to be a pirate?
Cutlass: Because I didn’t want to be nice, I wanted to be tough, I wanted to be cool. But being tough and cool isn’t that fun, it doesn’t get you anything extra in life. But being good does because then you get to meet gorgeous girls like you Zara.
Zara: The answers yes. I will go out with you.
Mrs Crusoe: Looks like everyone’s having a happy ending...
Alice: ...except from me, still single.
Robinson: That way you can be with Beyonce and all the other (He sings and dances to the song.) single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies...
Заява кандыдата аб тым, што ён не прымаў раней удзелу ў праграме«Study Tours to Poland» I study Visit in Gdynia