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Dee-Dee: Where has Susie got to with the water? Has anybody seen her? (No one answers.) Hello, has anybody seen Susie?
(Susie runs in.)
Susie: I’m here Dee-Dee.
Dee-Dee: Susie I asked you to get water. So where is it?
Susie: I didn’t have enough time to get it because...
Dee-Dee: Don’t give me any excuses Susie!
Dee-Dee: No ‘buts’ either!
Susie: No Dee-Dee, listen, we’ve found survivors’ from the shipwreck on the beach. There still alive.
Dee-Dee: Come on everyone we must help them!
(They get up and run on the spot pretending to be running to the beach. Downstage right enters Zara and Alice who sit on a rock. Two islanders give them a drink, something to eat and wrap them in towels.)
Alice: (Just as the islander wraps her in a towel.) Thank you. Have you found any of our friends yet?
Islander (1): No not at the moment, but we are still looking.
(Dee-Dee steps forward.)
Dee-Dee: Hello. I hear you were in the shipwreck. Oh sorry, I’m Dee-Dee, the leader of everyone here on Banana Island. Is there anything I can get you?
Zara: No I think were fine, we just want to know if our friends are okay.
Dee-Dee: (Pointing at one of the islanders.) You have a look on the north side of the island, (Pointing at another islander.) You have a look on the west side of the island and you two (Pointing at two more islanders.) have a look around the lagoon and View Point hill.
(The four islanders exit in different directions.)
Alice: Do you have somewhere we can keep warm. I’m absolutely freezing. Not very tropical.
Dee-Dee: Yes of course, follow me.
(Alice and Zara follow Dee-Dee off, the curtains close and they comeback onstage. Zara and Alice prop themselves up against a log. Some islanders are sitting on steps eating, drinking and making things with vines and leaves.)
Dee-Dee: Are you sure you are alright? Is there anything else I can get you?
Zara: Oh no I’m fine (Looking at Alice), were both fine. Thank you for the wonderful food, it was quiet a banquet.
Alice: I wonder if the others have survived. Maybe they’ve been washed up on the beach, all battered and bruised. Maybe that whale got them.
Zara: Alice, you really know how to lighten the mood. You’re as happy as the lion with no courage locked in room with a deadly snake, and the only key to open the door is around the snake’s neck!
Dee-Dee: Don’t worry; my friends are looking for them. I’ am sure everyone aboard your ship will be fine. The seas not that deep and the current is calm and leads ashore, so they will eventually be washed up anyway.
Alice: Dead or alive?
Alice: Sorry. It just comes out.
Dee-Dee: I will make sure your friends survive.
Alice: What about Robinson? What if he doesn’t survive? We won’t be able to get married, sail into the sunset, wear matching colours, work in the same place, eat the same food, adopt twelve black and white cats and live in Simon Crescent!
Zara: I don’t think that was going to happen anyway.
Dee-Dee: Ssh! I hear voices. They’re coming along the beach.
(Mrs Crusoe and Calypso can be heard from offstage. They enter.)
Mrs Crusoe: Civilization! (Noticing Zara and Alice.) Oh darlings. You’ve survived.
Alice: (Standing up and walking towards Mrs Crusoe.) Thank goodness, were not the only ones that have survived. (Looks at Calypso.) What will you do now the ships gone Calypso?
Calypso: I don’t know. But right now that doesn’t matter...
Zara: What happened to Robinson?
Mrs Crusoe: He was eaten by a big whale. (She starts to cry.)
Alice: Nooooooo! My soon to be husband, gone! Ooooooh! I’ll just have to look after the twelve cats on my own...
(They speak all at the same time.)
Zara: Oh be quiet!
Mrs Crusoe: What the?
Alice: ...and Gaston was taken by a whale.
Zara: It may of been the same one Robinson was eaten by that defeated Gaston.
Calypso: Gaston, a good chief, gone to waist.
Mrs Crusoe: Robinson Crusoe, a waist of space.
Dee-Dee: Well, who else is not accounted for?
Calypso: All of my crew.
Dee-Dee: Ooh! Well, where were you heading? I may know how to get there.
Calypso: We were heading for Banana Island and this is it, so we are doing okay.
Dee-Dee: Well you’re lucks not all bad.
Mrs Crusoe: So does this mean that there is secret treasure buried on this island?
Dee-Dee: Well there are rumours’ but we don’t know, we have never found anything and we have looked everywhere for it. Oh and it’s not really a secret anymore.
Susie: I heard that the pirate Long John Silver left treasure here before we built our home here, many years ago.
Calypso: We had a map showing where the treasure is buried, but it is gone with Robinson.
Dee-Dee: Look, let’s go and have a look on the beach. He may have been washed up.
(Mrs Crusoe, Calypso, Alice, Zara and Susie exit, Dee-Dee goes to follow but notices Robinson scrambling ashore.)
Dee-Dee: Hello... are you ok... can I help you?
Robinson: (He does not look Dee-Dee in the face, he is struggling to breath.) Yes. I was aboard the ship that sunk. The SS Thinking, which became the SS Sinking and now it’s sunk. Anyway, where am I? India? Australia? Neverland? Narnia? Heaven? (He stops to think.) HELL!
Dee-Dee: Your on Banana Island and you must be Crusoe... Robison Crusoe?
Robinson: (Looking up to Dee-Dee) Yes. Yes I am! And you must be Dee-Dee.
(The next few seconds are like scene from a cheesy chick flick; the lighting is bright and gives a happy atmosphere. Smoke fills the stage. Robinson and Dee-Dee hold their hands out to each other, spinning around, in a ‘love trance’. They get closer and are about to kiss when...)
(Enters Blackheart. Holding up a large remote, the music suddenly stops, everything freezes except from him. As he walks forward the lights dim, Robinson and Dee-Dee spin off like they are being rewound.)
Blackheart: Hello again you horrible lot. I always knew that fake leg would come in handy. It fooled you and the others. Since the fake leg stunt I have been plotting a plan to defeat the Crusoe’s once and for all, and nothing you can do is going to get in my way.
Sparkle: Are you sure?
Blackheart: Hello again fish face! I see you have survived as a fish...err...squid!
Sparkle: Oh Blackheart you think you’re so clever, well you see when you turned me into a mermaid, you gave me powers...wonderful powers...magical powers...! Powers that can only be used for the good of all mankind.
Blackheart: And you’re telling me this why? Oh I know, you think they’ll stop me! Ha ha ha. Me! Don’t be so silly! I’m the greatest pirate that ever lived!
Sparkle: Watch out Blackheart. Because I’m on a roll!
Blackheart: Who do you think you are? Your just a silly little fish, where as I am...me! Blackheart the pirate, the greatest pirate to ever live.
Sparkle: Oh shut up!
(The lights flicker, a crash of thunder and lightning, Sparkle falls to the floor; she is lost in the thick smoke. Blackheart raises his hands, bolts of lightning seem to spark from them.)
(Sparkle gets up.)
Sparkle: It’s good against evil Blackheart. Remember...
Blackheart: ...remember your a womble!
Sparkle: Oh very good, but no. Remember that good always wins.
Blackheart: Well this time good will sink and evil will rise! Ha ha ha. Say your prayers boys and girls because from now on you have a new leader. Me! Blackheart has returned. Goodbye David Cameron, goodbye Barak Obama, cheerio Terry Wogan!
Sparkle: You’ll never win!
Blackheart: Just watch me!
(Sparkle disappears into the smoke again. Blackheart stands on a high piece of rostrum, Sword and Cutlass appear on either side of him. Blackheart laughs and the others copy. A flashing of lightening lights up the stage. All exit swiftly.)
END OF ACT I
Mrs Crusoe: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, please join us after the interval for Act II. Refreshments and goodies will be sold in the foyer and please (ask the audience to donate to a charity, buy raffle tickets or other) and we will resume in (length of interval). Thank you!
Act II Scene 1: Sparkle’s Secret Underwater Cove
Dee-Dee: Hello again Boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome back to today’s performance of Robinson Crusoe. Now please sit back, relax and enjoy the show. Here we go...
Characters: Sparkle, Robinson, Dee-Dee, Blackheart, Sword and Cutlass
Sparkle: I managed to get away from Blackheart and his minions. They forgot I have magical powers, you see that flash of lightening...that was me. Anyway, since I need to rest after the battle with Blackheart I have not been able to see Robinson so I’ve been watching everyone through the magical mermaid mirror and lots of things have been happening. Look, I’ll show you! (Sparkle gets out the ‘Magical Mermaid Mirror’.) Magical Mermaid Mirror, please show me how everyone is getting along on Banana Island.
The Voice Of The Mirror: Your wish has been granted Sparkle, may you enjoy what you see.
(Sparkle makes her way to the side of the stage where she watches from for the duration of what is seen through the mirror. The lights fade on Sparkle. The curtains open, smoke pours out. From the smoke appears Robinson and Dee-Dee, holding hands, spotlight on them.)
Dee-Dee: You’re so funny Robinson...and cute.
Robinson: And you’re so funny and cute, too, Dee-Dee. We’re like a match made in heaven.
Dee-Dee: Two peas in a pod...
Robinson: Two halves of a whole...
Dee-Dee: I love you Robinson!
Robinson: I love you too Dee-Dee. (He sings like from the Bernard Matthews advert.) You are so bootiful – to me!
Dee-Dee: Aawwwww! You’re too cute! I know this might be a little bit premature but if we get married, where will we go on honeymoon?
Robinson: I don’t know, I hadn’t really thought about it. We could go to...Shell Bay or have a weekend in Edinburgh!
Dee-Dee: Are you being serious? I won’t to go somewhere new. Where life is different. Different from my life on the island and your life in Buckhaven. Somewhere like...Hong Kong!
(The pair kiss. Then exit back through the smoke, Robinson hobbles in pain. Spotlight on Sparkle.)
Sparkle: Aaw! I think I’m welling up. They are such a cute wee couple.
(The lights fade on Sparkle and from through the gap in the curtains enters Mrs Crusoe and Calypso.)
Mrs Crusoe: I’m so glad that Robinson’s alive. Though I wish he hadn’t of needed to go through such desperate measures to get out of the whale. Through it’s...it’s make me want to be sick, even with the thought of it! And now he’s survived and get’s the girl. They are such a lovely couple. They get along so well and find it easy to talk to one another...
Calypso: (To the audience.) I would get a chance to talk if she was quiet for two minutes!...
Mrs Crusoe: What was that Calypso? Where you trying to say something?
Calypso: I was just going to tell you that I’d read in the newspaper that someone Chinese scientist has now invented a camera with such a fast speed that it’s now possible to take a picture of a woman with her gob shut!
Mrs Crusoe: Huuh! I don’t get that!
Calypso: She will in a minute. Now’s my chance to escape!
(Calypso quickly exits through the gap in the curtains.)
Mrs Crusoe: Why you little...Get back here!
(Mrs Crusoe exits with her fists ready to clout Calypso.)
(Back to Sparkle.)
Sparkle: Trouble in paradise!
(Lights fade on Sparkle. Blackheart, Sword and Cutlass enter throw the gap in the curtains.)
Cutlass: I can’t believe that beautiful islander would want to go out with a silly little boy like Robinson Crusoe!
Blackheart: And I can’t believe he’s still alive! He’s got the map and the girl! And what do I have?
Sword: You’ve got us two.
Blackheart: Ooh yippy!
(The trio exit. The curtains close. Spotlight on Sparkle.)
Sparkle: I see that Blackheart and his minions are feeling a little defeated. Oh well!
(Lights fade on Sparkle, spotlight on Alice and Zara.)
Alice: Why? Why? Why?...
Alice: Why? Why her? A silly little islander girl. Huh!
Zara: I’m just as upset as you are that he didn’t pick me either, but you’ve got to respect the fact that he’s just not that into you!
Alice: Me! He’s just not that into you more like. Dee-Dee’s just a warm up until he asks me out!
Zara: If that’s so then why are you getting so upset about it then?
Alice: Cos’ I am! Is that okay with you?
Zara: Whatever! It still prefers me more than you!
Alice: Want a beat!
Zara: Bring it on then sister!
(Alice and Zara throw themselves at each other and have a mini cat fight.)
Alice: STOP! Not in front of the kids!
Zara: |You’re right. We’ll take this backstage...come on!
Alice: Oh your on midget!
Zara: (As she exits.) You can talk bingo wings!
Alice: (As she exits.) Oh no you didn’t!
Zara: (From offstage.) Oh yes I did!
(Spotlight on Sparkle. She moves centre stage.)
Sparkle: Okay. So we have two love birds, two O.A.P love birds, three angry pirates and two groupies. What a pantomime this is! Thank you mirror for letting me see if my friends are okay, they’re getting along just fine!
Voice Of The Mirror: You are very welcome Sparkle, any time. Remember that!
Sparkle: I’m feeling much better now so I better get a move on and warn Robinson and the others that Blackheart is back, and is ready to do whatever it takes to get his hands on that treasure. I just hope I’m not too late. Bye boys and girls. See you soon.
Scene 2: The Islanders Camp/Another Part Of The Island
Characters: Dee-Dee, Robinson, Mrs Crusoe, Calypso, Susie, Blackheart, Sword and Cutlass
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